Christians are straight up FREAKS
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
