ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
