i permit you to call me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
