I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
