party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
