On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
