Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
