Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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