you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
