It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
