Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
