why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
