im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
