At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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