I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
