I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
