living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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