Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
