i think my tv is drunk
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm jealous of your bromance
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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