happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
