I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
