I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
