My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
