I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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