I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
