check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
