if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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