Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
