I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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