I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
