Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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