I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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