I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the condom got lost in my hair
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
