Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
