I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I currently don't understand fingers.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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