I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
