The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
