90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
