I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
