I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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