I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
