Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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