I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so let's talk penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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