i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
