the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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