**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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