My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
