Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
