i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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