why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
