Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
